Glorious PMS
by Kaliotrimma
Summary: But man, Sasuke, you've been PMSing an awful lot in the past months. I think it's time to see a doctor about this. AU, boarding school NaruSasuNaru, rated for language.


Yes, you should fear this oneshot of epic proportions.

OMG IT HAS KIBA. I love Kiba. Shikamaru too, but mostly Naruto and Sasuke angsting and fighting and being stupid boys. I'm really tired, so I probably shouldn't even be writing this, because I'm so out of it that I have no idea what I'm typing. Plerugh. That's a weird noise. I should put it on something.

There is OOC. Yup. Kiba is a cheeky little bastard, and I love him good.

Characters do not belong to me. They belong to that spiffy Kishimoto guy.

* * *

Sasuke twirled his pencil absentmindedly. The paper in front of him was blank, save for eraser marks and the indents in the paper where he had erased lines.

For some reason, he couldn't come up with anything. Letting out a sigh, he spun in his office chair, scooting across the carpet of the dorm room floor. There was a click as he plugged his MP3 into the speaker set. Sasuke hit shuffle, then frowned at the song that began playing.

Several minutes passed as he clicked through the songs.

_Why will nothing go right?_

The brunette nearly cheered when he encountered what he could classify as a 'good song'. Leaning back in the cushioned chair, he closed his eyes and began to listen, even turning the volume up for good measure.

That didn't last long.

"Hey, Sasuke! Turn that music down!" Shikamaru complained as he joined the shared room. Sasuke let his head drop.

"Shikamaru, you're going to have to deal with it." He growled out, cranking the volume up another setting. "I'm not in a good mood."

As the other teen made to close the door behind him, a hand popped in the way.

"I hear grumpy." A mischievous voice drifted in through the door, followed by an unruly mop of brown hair.

"Kiba, go bother your own roommate." Sasuke nearly hissed, sliding his chair back across the floor and snatching up his pencil again. "I'm working. Project. Leave me alone."

"Ohhhh. I understand, Sasuke. It's that time again, huh?" Kiba leaned against the doorframe. Sasuke frowned. Only Naruto got to lean there. Kiba looked unnatural there.

"Kiba-go-away." Sasuke said quickly. "I heard Naruto doesn't want to be disturbed right now. Go annoy him. That is not a request." He turned back to the blank paper, quickly sketching in a human outline, in a relaxed position.

"Spoilsport. Oi, Shikamaru. What's he working on?"

Shikamaru, thinking like a true roommate, said, "Something important. Go look yourself if you want to know so badly."

"If you insist." Kiba was grinning. Sasuke didn't even need to look at the little monster to know it.

"Shikamaru, you just _invited him in._ What is _wrong_ with you?" Sasuke scooped the piece of paper away quickly, before Kiba could snatch it up and run amok with it. "If you have to know, it's our current long term assignment."

"From the Pudge?" Kiba grinned even more.

Sasuke hated that nickname. They didn't have to tease the teacher just because she was pregnant. Sure, Sasuke had little affection for Kurenai, but he didn't _dislike_ her. The other males, however, were remarkably frightened by the concept of pregnancy, and therefore sought to hide that fear by making fun of it. Although he had never heard Neji refer to Kurenai by that nickname, nor had Lee ever used it.

_Well, they are upperclassmen. They are expected to be mature. Most of the time…_

So Lee could never be mature. That was not the point.

"… Believe you're actually doing that thing." Kiba was saying. Sasuke shook his head, getting the gist of what Kiba had said despite not paying attention.

"I don't want to be. But I don't have anything else to do, so... Get out of my dorm." Sasuke attempted to run the obnoxious invader down with his chair, and upon failing, was satisfied by getting the leech away from his drawing desk.

"Damn, and you'd nearly forgotten you wanted me out of here. I'm not planning on doing that thing; it's neither ethical nor humane." Kiba folded his arms in front of his chest.

"Stop trying to use big words Kiba." Sasuke said, adding more detail to his faint outline. "The assignment isn't that ridiculous. All it is- Who am I trying to fool here? "In the art form of your choosing, construct the person, animal, or object that is most precious to you." What was she _thinking_?"

"She was thinking about the fetus in her gut. She went all motherly on us." Kiba wrinkled his face up. "Ugh."

"I'm going to laugh when you reproduce. Assuming you ever do."

Shikamaru wisely stayed on the other end of the room, obviously sensing conflict.

Sasuke closed his eyes, letting his hand go wherever the hell it wanted to go. When he opened them again, he nearly crumpled the paper before him. He smothered the impulse to scream like a little girl who had spotted a bug.

His sketch had miraculously developed some incredibly familiar spiky hair. The posture had also shifted into something that Kiba's equally obnoxious roommate enjoyed; standing with hips forward and shoulders back, hands wound around a shape that was reminiscent of that stupid frog bag.

"Kiba. GO AWAY." Sasuke felt an extreme need to get Kiba out of the dorm before he spotted the paper.

"… Shikamaru, get him some pain relievers, I think he's hit his period."

There was a knock, and then the door creaked open. "_Again?_ Dude, Kiba, where've you been? I've got a brilliant idea in the making. But man, Sasuke, you've been PMSing an awful lot in the past months. I think it's time to see a doctor about this."

"Cheeky monkeys." Sasuke swore, throwing his eraser at the blonde intruder. Naruto was the last person he needed in here. He wanted to throw the sketch away, but since there was nothing artistically wrong with it, he couldn't bring himself to rip it up.

"Can you all _please_ go away?"

"He's asking nicely, things must be really bad… Sasuke, we're gonna go get you some drugs that'll make you feel muuuuuch better." Naruto said, mock comforting.

"I'm not. Having. Male. PMS. Will you go the hell away before I disembowel you with my metal ruler?"

"Mmm…" Naruto crossed the floor with quick strides. "Whatcha drawing?"

Sasuke had a moment of extreme panic. "Nothing." He flipped the paper over, pulling out his ruler for good measure. ((AN: XD PUN))

"Hey Kiba. He doesn't want me to see it. What's he doing?"

"The project." Kiba managed to squeeze a good amount of ominous feeling into two words. It was like he had typed the words out in size 50 font, then printed it out and drew flames and little devil horns on the letters.

Naruto frowned in thought. He then brightened. "Kurenai's project? That "Precious to you" shit?"

Sasuke spun in his chair. "Leave. Now." He dropped the ruler back on the desk.

"Not until you tell me who or what you're drawing."

The brunette frowned. "Why do you care?"

"Because," Naruto drawled, "I want to know who you _love_ so dearly. Knowing you, you're drawing a computer or a pencil."

Sasuke's temper flared. _Naruto is such an asshole! Why did my hand have to friggin' draw _him_ when I'm trying to think of what's most precious to me? It can't be him, he's a jerk._

"That's not what I'm drawing." Sasuke stood, banging his hand on the drawing desk. It quivered, having taken a lot of abuse during the three years he'd owned it.

"Oh really? Pray tell, what is it that you're drawing, Ice Princess?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "A cute little puppy?"

Kiba growled. "Watch it. I'm doing a CG poster of my dog."

"Oh. Sorry." Naruto blinked. "Awww, Kiba lurves his puppy."

"He's seven. Not a puppy." Kiba's eyes narrowed. "What are you drawing?"

"I'm _painting._ Big difference. And I don't know yet." Naruto let out a melodramatic sigh. "So, Wise Uchiha, what are you drawing? If it's neither your laptop nor is it your beloved mechanical pencil, then I'm curious."

Sasuke blinked rapidly, attempting to disguise the tears that were forming in his eyes. "None of your business." Sasuke winced. His voice sounded squeaky, even to him.

Kiba let out a sigh. "Come _on_. Shikamaru, what are you drawing? Or… painting, or whatever?"

There was a pause. Kiba took a breath, about to repeat his question, when Shikamaru finally drawled, "The clouds. Probably."

The spiky haired brunette looked as if he would explode. "Are you _serious?_ Well… to each their own, I guess."

"Hn." Shikamaru turned away from them, dropping with a thump onto his bed.

Sasuke made an attempt to flee with his drawing while the others were focused on Shikamaru.

Kiba noticed first. "Ooooh, Sasuke, let me see."

Sasuke spun. "No. Go away or I'll start spontaneously invading _your_ dorm."

"Nah, we're good." Naruto nodded wisely.

Kiba made a flying leap towards the other brunette, Sasuke spun out of the way, heart racing. Kiba yelped, even before he hit the wall with a resounding _thwack_.

"DUDE. I can't believe that's who you're drawing. No wonder you want to keep that a secret. I won't tell. I swear."

"Kiba! Kiba, who's he drawing!?" Naruto crowed, glancing at the reddening Uchiha. "Sasuke, don't pop a blood vessel. All that blood in one place can't be good for you."

"Dude. This is something I think we should drop, Naruto. Leave him alone." Kiba's voice grew calmer. "Well… Don't pester the poor dude."

"…" Sasuke took a breath, intending to lie quite convincingly. "I'm drawing my brother. If you would just leave me alone. PLEASE. I miss him, despite the fact he pisses me off about 50 percent of the time."

"Oh." Naruto deflated. "What was the huge deal about that?"

"… Please go away." Sasuke looked away, "I can barely remember how he used to look, back when we were still close. I'm trying to remember."

Kiba looked confused, but didn't call Sasuke's bluff.

"Okay. Hey, Naruto. Wanna go get some pizza? I think I'm about to die here. I haven't eaten since breakfast, and you know what I had for breakfast."

"One of those energy bar thingies." Naruto made a face. "Okay, deal. Dude, what I was gonna say when I burst in here was… One, Kiba, I've got an awesome prank to pull on Neji, and two… Hey Sasuke, have you seen my bag anywhere?"

"The stupid frog one?"

"Don't bash Gama." Naruto frowned.

"Were you drunk when you named that thing? I think Chouji found it- He was looking for you earlier. Why, something important in there?"

"Yeah, I've got the rough draft of my project in there and all my paints."

Something clicked in Sasuke's brain. "… I though you didn't know what you were doing for your project?"

Naruto's face exploded with shock. "Uh…"

The blonde made a break for the exit. Kiba sprang after him. "DUDE YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!!"

"Shut up, dog boy!" Naruto yelled, slamming his dorm room door in his roommate's face.

Sasuke let out a sigh, returning to his sketch. The familiar figure developed the cheeky grin, which was then erased and replaced with the more serious expression that Naruto wore while painting. The figure was blessedly given a pair of baggy jeans and the sweatshirt that Naruto always seemed to be wearing.

Shikamaru turned over in his bed. "So who are you _really_ drawing? It was a nice heartfelt story, but I know you don't like your brother that much. Hell, I heard the last phone conversation you had with him. I don't think I've ever heard a conversation that laden with profanity."

"…" Sasuke sighed. "If you swear you won't tell anyone. I should see if Kurenai's going to display these, because if she's planning on it we have to talk her out of it."

"You know I never tell anyone anything if they don't give me a good reason to."

"… I'm… I should never let my hand roam across the paper without me guiding it. I guess my body's attempting to unconsciously tell me that I'm madly in love with Naruto."

Shikamaru was silent for a very long time. Sasuke turned away, returning to the sketch. He added Naruto's bulky DJ headphones, connecting them to an MP3 that the blonde held loosely in his right hand. A sketchpad was tucked under his right arm. His left hand was empty. Art supplies littered the floor beneath him.

Sasuke erased the sketchpad. He then proceeded to sketch out a brick wall design, pulling his ruler out again.

His MP3 turned off of its own accord. Sasuke swore. His gut was hurting. Maybe he actually did have male PMS. Come to think of it, he didn't know what male PMS symptoms were.

Shikamaru finally opened his mouth. "I don't really care if you're attracted to Naruto."

"I never said I was." Sasuke growled, the pain in his lower stomach intensifying. He blurred the bricks, making them look more like actual bricks rather than rectangles.

"Whatever. I know you guys were childhood friends. I guess I can understand him being really important to you. Assuming this is platonic."

Sasuke hadn't thought about it that way. _I could use that excuse. I can say I didn't want to tell him because I thought he'd automatically take it as romantic interest. _

_… Am I interested in him?_

With a broad, jagged font, he wrote his own name on the bricks. He made the writing look like paint by adding a smudged drip effect. He could clean it up using his computer.

He erased. Changed his name to Naruto's.

_…It doesn't look right. Did my name look right?_

He erased again.

"Shikamaru… I need your help here."

"Eh?" Shikamaru flopped over. "What?"

"Check it out." Sasuke flipped the paper behind him, displaying the drawing. "It's missing something. I was thinking of putting my signature on the bricks."

"Do what you want to do."

"You are _so_ helpful." Sasuke sighed, looking at the sketch from different angles.

* * *

"Naruto, may I speak with you?" Kurenai pulled the blonde aside in the hall, a worried expression on her face. Naruto forced his eyes away from the swell of her pregnant stomach.

"What? No offense, but I'm going to be late…"

"I'll give you a pass. Naruto, you still haven't submitted your rough draft of your project." Red eyes stared at him. "You will get points taken off if you don't turn it in by tomorrow."

Naruto looked at her nervously. He glanced down at his bag. "I… _here._" Naruto zipped the frog bag open, dug through the papers inside, and withdrew his sketch, marvelling that it wasn't torn in some manner. "I… kind of need that back soon. I'm doing a painting."

"Naruto, this is lovely. I don't understand why you didn't want to hand this in when it was due." Kurenai looked at him again, puzzled. "Although, it does seem to be missing something."

"I'm gonna put my signature in there. Um… I have a question. Are you going to be displaying these?"

Kurenai let out a short laugh. "Don't worry, Naruto. These aren't going to been seen by anyone you don't want looking at them."

"Thank-you-so-much-if-it-wasn't-creepy-I'd-say-I-loved-you" Naruto said in one breath, nearly swearing as the second bell sounded.

"Here. I'll write you a pass."

"Thank you… I have bio."

Kurenai winced. "No wonder you didn't want to be late."

* * *

"OI! Oi, Sasuke." Kiba clapped the other teen on the back, "You look dead."

"I was up late. You are _so_ loud." Sasuke groaned, "I was working on my project…"

"Oh. Well… Man. How's it going?"

"His hair is impossible." Sasuke's head hit the table in front of him. Kiba moved Sasuke's lunch away from him as the tired teen began to thump his head on the hard surface.

"… Ever tried inking something that spiky?" Sasuke's voice drifted up, "It's so annoying."

"Uh… yeah. Well, Naruto's not doing too well with his either. And… hehe, funny thing is, you're complaining about the same things. "This hair! How can that weirdo stand having hair like that?!" Man, I don't think I've ever head Naruto complain that much about one thing."

Sasuke cracked his neck to make Kiba shut up. He had scrapped the original idea, shifting to a different design. This one showed Naruto painting, from a side view.

Kiba groaned. "That's gross. Anyways, can I see what you've got?"

The older male sacrificed his sketch, resting his head back on his arms. "I'm really getting sick of drawing those spiky stupid things. He needs a hairbrush. I should get him one for his birthday."

"He wouldn't use it."

"Yeah, I guess. Hmmm. I can't criticize." Kiba seemed genuinely disappointed, but Sasuke ignored him.

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto called, waving.

Sasuke snatched the sketch from Kiba, shoving it back in his bag. His heart pounded as the blonde invited himself over to their lunch table.

"Yo, Naruto. I was out last night; and when I finally got back to our room, you know who was hanging out around there, trying to look in our place?" Kiba managed to make fun of Naruto and look disgusted at the same time.

"… I have a stalker?"

"Yeah- Her name happens to be Hinata. I was gonna tell you, but you were out of it. I wasn't sure if I should wake you up, you were practically humping your pillow. I think I might be scarred for life, but I'm not sure."

Naruto, despite turning fairly red, managed to laugh. "It was one of those nights, man."

Sasuke looked away, flushing.

_Not something I wanted to hear about._

"Hey, Sasuke. You feeling' okay?" Kiba asked him, tugging one of Sasuke's long bangs. Sasuke growled, giving his leech a good thwack to the head.

"Kiba, you're obnoxious." He muttered, pushing his food around with his fork.

"So Naruto, what was the dream about, hmmm? I could've sworn I heard a name... Several times. Groaned out."

"KIBA SHUT UP," Naruto yelled, covering the other boy's mouth quickly. He glanced around the dining hall quickly, as if making sure no one heard.

"Aw, man, I don't look down on you." Kiba managed to say, voice muffled. "I won't tell anyone."

With a sigh of relief, Naruto released Kiba. "I'm holding you to that."

Kiba gave Sasuke a penetrating look. He coughed.

"… What?" Sasuke finally asked, glaring at the bushy-haired space invader.

"I said I wouldn't tell. Therefore, I shall instead hint with body movements." Kiba intensified his stare. Naruto proceeded to capture him in his version of a half Nelson.

"No hinting! My god, what must I do to make you shut _up?_" The blonde cried, practically strangling Kiba.

"Sasuke- Help meeeee…" Kiba gurgled, banging his hand on the lunch table.

"No. Naruto, when you figure out how to make him shut up, tell me, okay?" The raven-haired teen turned away, oblivious to the obvious hints Kiba had given him.

Eventually, Kiba managed to claw his way free. "For that, I do believe I shall blab. To _everyone_. Starting with Sasuke, of course, since he's right here and all…"

"No you won't!" There was another brief scuffle, attracting Shikamaru and Chouji from their table.

"Hey, hey, what's with all the noise? I have to deal with Sasuke up all night drawing and complaining at me, and now I can't even sleep through lunch?" The taller boy complained, leaning heavily on Chouji, "Man, I'm tired. This is all way too troublesome."

"Well, at least there's food," Chouji added, attempting to be helpful. "What did Kiba do?"

"Always with the food, isn't it?" Sasuke shook his head, exasperated. "Naruto had a… ahem… dream, Kiba, being his roommate, managed to overhear said dream, and now threatens to tell everyone. And Kiba was giving me the evil eye after he swore he wouldn't tell anyone who the subject of the dream was. Which set Naruto off, and then you guys showed up."

Chouji turned red. "Sasuke… Do you honestly not… Nevermind."

Shikamaru let out a strangled laugh. "Oh, man, Sasuke, you have your stupid moments too."

"Shut up, I'm just as tired as you are." The teen shook his head. "I don't get it because I haven't had a good night's sleep in a long time." He glanced at Naruto, confused.

Naruto was looking all around the room to avoid Sasuke's questioning gaze. "Anyways. Kiba, shut your damn mouth or I'll neuter your dog. I know where you live. I swear, I'm not kidding."

"Sasuke, you have study hall, right?" Shikamaru said suddenly. "You can get some sleep there, and… "He coughed, hiding a chuckle, "Try to figure things out."

"Argh. You people suck." Something clicked in Sasuke's mind. "No. No way. No fucking way. Naruto, you perverted son of a bitch."

Naruto pointedly stared at the wall.

"What happened to liking Sakura?!"

"Um…" Naruto glanced at him and then went back to staring down the wall.

"You… are unbelievable. Get over here. I need to talk to you. Now." Sasuke grabbed the taller male, dragging him to the table Chouji and Shikamaru had just abandoned. Far across the room, Shino managed to give them all a questioning look despite having most of his face covered.

Kiba attempted to eavesdrop, but the pair had moved too far away for even his hearing. He pouted, turning to Shikamaru. "Have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Hmm, I dunno, maybe the fact that Sasuke's been keeping me up complaining about how hard Naruto's hair is to draw might tip you off."

"Oh. I forgot about that."

Chouji shook his head, looking anxiously after his food.

Sasuke looked angry, and Naruto apologetic. Eventually, Naruto's face dropped into shock, then annoyance, and finally he stood up, banging his hand on the table. Sasuke made a face, glaring up at him. He stood as well, nearly a full inch shorter but radiating more killing intent.

Then the screaming began.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me what you felt?" Sasuke shouted, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling, "I thought I was- I thought we were… closer than that! I guess I was fucking wrong."

"Says the king- No, _Princess_ of hiding his emotions! You never tell me anything! It's always "Figure it out yourself, moron". I can't stand that! You tell me that, and then when Kiba starts hinting _straight at you_ you make like an idiot and can't figure it out!"

"I've been running on about two hours of sleep every night! I can't believe you're so _inconsiderate_ about that- You're driving me crazy! You've never had issues about blurting out your emotions before, why start being shy now?"

"Oh, I dunno, maybe I considered it more than a little _creepy_, huh Sasuke? What would you do in my situation?" Naruto clenched and unclenched his fists. "It's not something that's ever happened to me, okay?"

"Oh, oh, you assume I'm _not_ in the same boat? What if I was going through the same thing? Would you be able to tell? NO. So don't tell me what to think! I told Shikamaru how I felt, knowing he'd tell Chouji, and I _know_ Kiba knows, so I'm surprised it didn't reach you already!"

"Felt about _who_? You didn't tell me anything! We're best friends, we're supposed to share this kind of thing!"

"Maybe it's because I didn't want to tell the person I like that I like them directly to their face! I'd much rather has the rumor system go around, and have him find out that way. You know why? Because I'm a fucking coward. That's why. Starting right now, I refuse to speak to you." Sasuke turned, storming out of the cafeteria.

Naruto was left gaping, mouth wide open. He grabbed his bag, pounding off after the other man. "Sasuke! Wait!" His voice was hoarse, echoing through the silent cafeteria.

"Oh, _fuck._" Kiba said, breaking the silence.

"I agree." Shikamaru said wholeheartedly. "We have to help fix this, don't we."

"… Yeah."

"Oh _fuck_."

* * *

A week passed. Sasuke developed a sort of forced insomnia. He stayed up, staring at the walls, refusing to wipe away his tears.

Naruto, on the other hand, refused to stop sleeping. Despite all efforts, Kiba couldn't force the blonde out of his bed. He began to worry.

Shikamaru had considered, several times, giving Sasuke some kind of sedative or sleeping pill. Kiba attempted to force caffeine down Narutos' throat.

Chouji conspired with them, preparing meals that were spiked with the appropriate substances. Neither of them would eat any of the food.

"Naruto," Kiba began, "Break's almost over. You can't keep sleeping all the friggin' time."

"Go' way, Kiba." Naruto grunted, "Turn th' damn light off."

"… No. Get the hell out of your bed."

"Get off my back. You aren't my mother."

"Well, maybe if your mother was _alive_," Kiba taunted, thinking the bodily harm he would sustain was well worth getting Naruto out of his bed and moving, "Then maybe I wouldn't have to do this."

"What did you say?" Naruto growled, rolling over to face the other teen.

"Well, just saying, maybe if mummy was still around, you'd be up because she'd be telling you what do to."

"Well, just saying, Kiba, shut the fuck up."

"Oooh. Tough words from the widdle boy who's too afraid to get the fuck out of his own bed."

"Kiba, shut up."

"Make me." Kiba crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't buff. Neither was Naruto. But they both had enough muscle to throw some seriously painful punches.

"Kiba…" Naruto glared at him, a growl resounding low in his throat. "I'm warning you. Knock it off, right now, before I shove your smirk up your ass."

"I'm not smirking." Kiba said calmly, "And you're a coward. Like you'd actually leave the 'safety' of your bed to try to beat me up."

Naruto's growl intensified.

"Hmm. Maybe I'll just tell Sasuke how much of a chicken you are. Not that he'd notice. Or listen."

Naruto recoiled as if slapped. "Don't mention that fucking bastard."

"Or you'll do what?" Kiba's voice shifted into something so taunting it nearly made him vomit. _What am I doing to him?_ "Bitch at me? Because that seems to be all you're doing."

"Why you little-" Naruto snarled, hurling his bed sheets from his body and lunging at Kiba.

Shock registered on the brunette's face, followed by triumph. He ran out of the dorm, Naruto at his heels, and nearly slammed into Shikamaru as the other teen exited his own room.

"Kiba, shut up," Shikamaru whispered frantically, "I finally managed to get Sasuke asleep. He hasn't slept in a week. Keep it down."

Naruto skidded to a halt, the noise he made being about half as cool as most movies portrayed it.

"What?"

Kiba nearly bashed his head in. "Yeah. Sasuke's gone insomniac since your fight."

Naruto looked as if Kiba had just informed him that he ate chicken heads.

"So… all this time that I've been sleeping-"

"He's been up," Shikamaru sighed, "Trying to make me believe that he isn't crying all the time."

"… Shit. He really likes me, doesn't he?"

Kiba and Shikamaru goggled.

"You _knew_?"

"I- well, I'm not as dumb as you all think. I figured it out when he ran outta there, but it's not like I could just accuse him of liking me, y'know? Not in front of everyone." Naruto scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish.

Shikamaru yawned, looking annoyed. Kiba nodded, still confused.

"I guess when you put it that way…"

The door behind them creaked open, revealing a bloodshot obsidian eye.

"Shikamaru, stop slipping things in my food. I don't need slee-" Sasuke's words cut off with a click as he spotted Naruto. He spun around, retreating into the darkened room.

Shikamaru swore. "I told you to keep it down, didn't I? Great. Now I can't put anything in his food to make him sleep."

"Sorry." Naruto whispered, looking miserable.

"Well?" Kiba stared at him. "Go talk to Mr. Prissy."

"But he- you saw what just- He doesn't…" The blonde spluttered as Kiba pushed him forward. Kiba sighed dramatically.

"Just go! And… I, um, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. We're just… we've been worried, okay?"

Naruto relaxed slightly. "Thanks. For, uh, caring, I guess."

Kiba grinned. "Well, go on, melt the Ice Princess."

The blonde squared his shoulders. "Okay."

He took a deep breath, letting it out again.

Naruto then proceeded to open the door as stealthily as he could. It swung closed again behind him with minor assistance from Kiba.

About four seconds later, there was a crash as something shattered against the door.

"Holy- Sasuke, put the damn lamp down!" Naruto yelped, heard trough the inch and a half of wood.

Kiba and Shikamaru exchanged horrified looks.

There was a bang, and incomprehensible yelling, followed by several loud thuds.

Then there was silence.

* * *

Kiba grinned. "Well, go on, melt the Ice Princess."

The blonde squared his shoulders. "Okay."

He took a deep breath, letting it out again.

Naruto then proceeded to open the door as stealthily as he could. It swung closed again behind him with minor assistance from Kiba.

* * *

Naruto took another deep breath. "Hey. Uh. Sasuke."

Sasuke glared at him, his pale skin exaggerating the purple bags under his eyes.

Then Naruto spotted the lamp in Sasuke's right hand. The hand flew back, ready to throw.

"Holy- Sasuke! Put the damn lamp down!" The blonde ducked, just in time for the plastic lamp to crash into the door, shattering. Shards of the porcelain lamp scattered everywhere, along with bits of glass from the shattered light bulb. Naruto nearly fell, catching himself on one hand and getting back to his feet.

Then Sasuke threw his cup of tea. Naruto managed to dodge the green plastic mug, but was drenched in tea. He barely noticed it hitting the wall and breaking.

The blonde swept his dripping hair out of his face, glaring at Sasuke. "I came here to apologize, but now… Now I'm pissed," he said quietly, clenching and unclenching his fists. He took four steps towards Sasuke, who backed up against the wall, scooting down his bed into the corner.

Naruto grabbed him by the foot, violently yanking the brunette loose, even as he grabbed at his sheets in an attempt to stay put. Sasuke didn't fall gracefully; he struggled as he went down, flailing enough to knock the only table in the room into his drawing desk. Sasuke yelled several times, kicking at Naruto with his other foot. Naruto growled, pulling harder, until Sasuke hit the floor with a loud thud.

"You bastard! LET GO OF ME!"

Naruto didn't respond, having fallen on his ass when Sasuke finally separated from his sheets and hit the ground. They glared at each other. Naruto didn't let go of Sasuke's foot, no matter how much the older teen shook and tugged it.

"Stop _looking_ at me like that!" Sasuke yelped immaturely, his bed sheets draped all over him. "Knock it off! Let go of me, go away!"

"No!" Naruto growled out, lunging forward. Sasuke scrambled back as his foot was released, only to be pulled back as Naruto caught hold of his arm. He opened his mouth to yell.

_Do something, get him away, he's going to hurt me, get him off. He doesn't understand my feelings, he can't understand them, he just wants _sex

And then Naruto's lips were pressed up against his, and his fear grew.

_This is wrong, this is bad, he'll hurt me, he'll-_

_He isn't hurting you,_ A part of him yelled back, _He isn't trying to hurt you, he's kissing you, this is what you wanted! He cares for you!_

Sasuke's eyes were wide; his fears were slipping away as his observations countered them.

Naruto was on top of him, and the blonde was heavy; Sasuke opened his mouth instinctively, hoping to get a breath in.

Sasuke's eyes closed; his hands unclenched, and slowly, cautiously, he began to kiss back.

* * *

Shikamaru was the one who finally opened the door, fearing for his possessions.

There was shattered green plastic littering the carpet in front of the door, and a dark stain near it. A desk lamp was precariously perched near the edge of Sasuke's much-beloved drawing desk, which had acquired a new dent in one of its legs and now leaned to the left. The table Shikamaru often ate take-out Chinese on was tipped over, and drawing supplies were scattered everywhere.

In the middle of what used to be the dorm living area, Naruto has pinned Sasuke to the floor and was attempting to suffocate the other teen with his mouth.

There was a wet popping noise as they separated, barely noticing Shikamaru. Sasuke was bright red, although Shikamaru was unsure as to whether it was from embarrassment or lack of oxygen.

Shikamaru backed out of the room as Sasuke caught his breath, grabbed Naruto's head, and kissed him hungrily. He closed to door quietly behind him.

"… Well?" Kiba practically exploded, although he managed to still whisper. "Is anyone bleeding or dead?"

"No one's dead, although I don't know about bleeding." Shikamaru deadpanned. He scratched his head, in obvious distress. "They're making out, which means my room will never be safe again."

"Eeeew. Well, you can live on the roof, watch the clouds and shit."

"All my stuff's in there. And they could just as easily do… _stuff_ in your room."

Judging by the look on Kiba's face, the idea had never occurred to him.

"Oh, _fuck_."

* * *

"Okay, class, as I'm sure you know, your assignments are due today." Kurenai announced from her position at her desk.

Kiba was looking at her stomach, in a state of horrified awe.

"So," Kurenai continued, "I've put a collection bin up on my desk. Since you are obviously not blind, Mr. Inuzuka, I suggest you look at your artwork instead of my stomach."

Kiba turned several shades of red in rapid succession, eventually settling down with the color that most of the class described as "Hinata scarlet".

Sasuke sunk down on his desk, not willing to fish out his finished piece.

Naruto glanced to the corner of the room, at his easel and the sheet covering it.

Shikamaru yawned. His piece was already on his desk, and it looked surprisingly blonde.

"Dude, is that Gaara's sister? What's her name, Temari?" Kiba squawked, pausing in his attempt to separate his project and book bag.

Shikamaru sighed half-heartedly. "Why do you care? I could've drawn my mother, consider that."

"Your mom is scary," Naruto said, shuddering. "She's freaking evil, I swear."

Shikamaru said nothing, silently agreeing.

Kiba let his head hit his desk.

"This means, of course, at this time you should be taking your assignments out. These will not be displayed to the rest of the school."

There was a universal sigh of relief. And then Kurenai continued.

"However, you'll be showing them to at least half the class."

Naruto half-stood in shock. Sasuke's hands clenched so hard they broke the skin.

Kiba glanced around, taking in the reactions. He paused on Sasuke.

"Ms. Yuuhi? Sasuke's bleeding." Kiba said calmly.

The slight outbreak of terror disappeared. It then exploded back into life.

"Oh my god, Sasuke-kun, are you okay?" Sakura cried out, looking at the raven's bloody hands. "Did you do this yourself?"

Sasuke looked away. "May I go to the nurse?"

"I'll go with him!" Naruto practically shouted, worry clear on his face.

Kurenai blinked rapidly. "Thank you, Naruto, but I don't know if that's really nece-"

Sasuke slumped over his desk.

"Okay, Naruto, you can certainly go with him." Kurenai amended.

Naruto leapt from his seat as soon as the words left Kurenai's lips. He slung one of Sasuke's bleeding arms over his shoulder, helping the other teen out of his seat.

When they made it out of the classroom, a high-five was exchanged.

"_Nice!_ I dunno if I could've 'passed out' so convincingly! That was brilliant!" Naruto whispered excitedly, "But we probably should get you to the nurse for the bleeding."

"Hey, I didn't want to go to the frigging nurse all alone. I had to do something." Sasuke grinned weakly. "My hands are no joke though, they fucking hurt."

"Aww, so cruel to me. Think we can take our time visiting the nurse? You can slump over me again if you want. It'll play it up, we can get outta class longer. Brilliant."

Sasuke shrugged. "Go for it. I'll bleed on your shirt though."

"I don't care, I'll have sexy man all over me."

The raven glared. He wiped his bloody hands on the front of Naruto's shirt.

"Hey hey hey! What was that for? I was complimenting you!" Naruto yelped, sliding away from the door so they wouldn't be caught slacking off. "Seriously!"

"No. My hands hurt, let's go." Sasuke wrapped his arm loosely around Naruto's shoulders, giving the impression that Naruto was supporting him. Naruto's arm snaked around his waist, and Sasuke flushed. He began to protest before realizing that the arm around him wasn't a romantic gesture and was more of a 'Let's get out of class!'

Together they journeyed the halls, Sasuke's eyes lidded to give him more of a sick person look.

The bleeding hands helped.

"Think we'll have to show the damn pictures anyways?" Naruto asked conversationally. Sasuke groaned, resting his head on Naruto's shoulder.

"Probably. Unless we both get some horrible injury- Let's get hit by a truck after school today."

Naruto laughed slightly. "Okay, that was really bad, so it should _not_ have been funny."

"But it was?" Sasuke supplied, chuckling. "Yeah, it was pretty awful. I still think we should do it."

"Do what?"

Sasuke groaned. "Not that."

"What?" Naruto said, mock-clueless. "You know, if I leaned, I bet I could get at your neck. Nom nom nom."

"Watch yourself, Uzumaki," Sasuke teased, "I'll get you all bloody."

"I knew you were on your period!"

"OW!"

* * *

Hurhurhur. I feel so clever. Yeah, I actually began this... oh gods, ages ago. While I was on my period. DOES IT SHOW? D:

I've been periodically poking at it, which probably affects the way it flows, but whatever.

One day, I will look up 'Male PMS' and figure out the actual symptoms. Naruto and the others don't know either, because it's not something you need in daily life and seems like a weird thing to know.

Reviews are good.


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